Saboteur! (Part 1 of 4) - Introduction

At Your Own Risk

Enter, if you will, into my innermost thoughts:

Candace comments innocently, perhaps even making a constructive suggestion to me.

Me:   What?! Are you kidding me? Seriously?  How dare you say that?  What's your problem?!  I've got it under control.  I know I'm right here.  Anyways, who do you think you are?  It seems like I can't do anything right - why don't you just give it a rest?! 

Such explosive thoughts, unfortunately, don't often remain thoughts for very long.  Whether such sentiments are ever spoken, a harsh tone usually evidences itself despite the "window dressing" we may place on our words.  Or a stern glance.  Maybe a defensive demeanor.  Perhaps, silence.  Angry silence.  Bitter silence.   

Everywhere I look...

 

Such situations can arise everywhere for us all: driving in the car, around the dinner table, getting the kids ready for church, laying in bed at night before going to sleep. and so on.  Chances are, you can probably relate to this.  

Most certainly, I see this plainly in the marriages I observe around me - friend, foe or foreigner.  Such travesty removes the joy of marriage, thwarting the intimacy and unity designed and intended of God for this most foundational relationship in life.  

Stopping Me In My Tracks

My own marriage has certainly suffered under such attitudes.  You see, somewhere along the way, I began to believe a lie (and act accordingly) that my wife was at times "out to get me" - a saboteur against me, thwarting my every effort and action. Somewhere, a disconnect occurred as I started to believe that my wife harbored ill intentions towards me. 

In every statement, without truly examining and thinking about it, I assumed she was trying to hurt me, to accuse me.  I was defensively on edge.  Practically speaking, she couldn't say anything without me exploding. 

After months of this recurring battle, I praise my Lord that He got through to me through my wife's gentle but broken pleas as she shared with me, "I've tried to be sensitive to you - but now I'm just walking on egg shells and it's still not working! What am I to do?  You weren't this way in the past.  What's going on inside?"  I was stopped cold.  She was right.  What was wrong?

Back to the Lord

As I examined my heart and the testimony of the past months, my heart truly became consumed with remorse and conviction.   I had been treating my wife as an enemy, as if she were out to get me.  But why? 

A Starting Point

While many Scriptures could be referenced here (regarding bitterness, godly communication, thought life etc.), let me share with you the passages that God has been bringing to my attention as He convicts  and transforms my own sinful attitudes and actions.

I had become disconnected from my wife because I had become disconnected from my Lord and Savior - the only One who can truly keep a marriage from disintegrating and disconnecting as we had.   Just as Titus 2:12 assures us, God has begun to teach me, exposing my error and renewing my mind to His perfect ways.  

Through these next several postings, I will be sharing with you my "schooling."  Primarily, we will examine God's "good pleasure" through which He has been reprogramming my heart and mind.  Only as our relationship with the Jesus Christ flourishes can our relationships with others be nourished, reinforced and blossom. 

It Takes Time

This didn't happen over night; such a downward spiral takes time - months, years even.  The longer the time we harbor such incorrect views, the more damage is done.  Take heart, my brother or sister, if you too are under going similar "continuing education" with the Lord.  

The process  may be painful, difficult and long - but the power of God indeed is quick, alive and sufficient for the journey (Heb. 4:12; 2 Cor. 12:9).  Would you pray for me as I submit myself to the Lord for His work to be done?  Will you join me on your knees of submission as well in the path of godliness and Christ-likeness in our relationships? 

May we truly see who the true saboteur is in this world - Satan, the masquerading angel of light and father of lies (2 Cor. 11:14; John 8:44)!

 

Talk It Through Twice - Psalm 142:1-3

1 I cried unto the Lord with my voice; with my voice unto the Lord did I make my supplication.s2 I poured out my complaint before him; I shewed before him my trouble.3 When my spirit was overwhelmed within me, then thou knewest my path. In the way wherein I walked have they privily laid a snare for me. (Psalm 142:1-3)

Talk, Talk, Talk...

Talking is simply a part of life.  We must talk with all sorts of people on numerous levels throughout each and every day from our spouse to our children to our parents to the cashier to the doctor to the...(you get the point). Depending on our job's specialty and demands by the time we get home, we may not feel like talking much to anyone.  

In my studies and understanding on a broad (and very generalized) scale, I find that, although this is indeed a universal plague, men are most often more grievously "stricken" with such a fatigued disposition.  Countless children have grown up in silence because Dad was too busy or tired to talk to them.  Innumerable wives have endured silent stares or damagingly worse angry outbursts in their failed attempts to connect with their "other half."  

I Know All Too Well...

I understand this struggle, for I myself, am indeed a man afflicted with the same. Perhaps you are too.  May these words encourage you in your home life.  Perhaps you are on the opposite side of things, a recipient of the un-cozy quietness.  Take heart, for these words are meant for you as well.  

How then can the same passage of Scripture comfort and encourage both parties, you ask?  These truths from the living, active and powerful Word of God exhort both parties to the same course of action.  At its writing, David, recognized by the world as only a young boy, a usurper of the Crown of Israel, was fleeing from his predecessor who sought his very life.  He took physical refuge in a cave where in the dark, most likely cold and damp earthen bunker, he offered us today a convicting example of the heart attitude befitting and desired for all of God's children.

When I Just Want to Stop...

In all circumstances, God's goal for His children is for them to be open to Him, willing to inexhaustibly share each and every fleeting or nagging burden of their heart.  David "cried" unto the Lord, pouring out his complaint to Him.  I find when I'm tired, I certainly don't want an open discussion with anyone - sadly at times, not even with the Lord.  I'm too tired.

The truth is, however, I'm too tired NOT to talk to the Lord.  It's exhausting keeping burdens to oneself.  Not only is it emotionally, mentally and physically draining it is divisive.  When you don't communicate with others, you silently drive a wedge between yourself and those you love and vice versa.  Homes, relationships and fragile hearts easily disintegrate under such long term conditions.

Let's Try It...


As I've been writing this article over the past few days, I indeed have been tired.  I'm a full time student - but so is my wife!  The pressures and stresses of our life are great; most likely, so are yours, simply with different "window dressing" put on them.  In particular, finances were in focus, a regular ticking time bomb in many households worldwide!

Tensions began to run high as the unexpected conversation pressed onward.  As a myriad of thoughts and emotions slowly trickled into my mind, clouding my discernment and heavily weighing upon my judgments, I praise the Lord, that these verses were close to my mind as they encouraged me to take each and every one of these emotions to the Father for His comfort, strength and wisdom.

Yes - of course I was tired.  I didn't really want to talk at all.  However, aware of the consequences of not talking coupled with such Scripture as this passage, I took a "break" to speak to the Lord.  Elevating my circumstances to His open ears and heart, comforted my weary heart and strengthened my overwhelmed state.

No, my circumstances did not change a bit; the same issues were still at hand.  What did change, however, was my perspective.  Through the power of Jesus Christ from the truth of His living Word, I was able to more graciously and tenderly, after the manner of Christ (Phil. 2), approach my also burdened, weary and fearful spouse.  Do I really need to say that things went much better and were far more effective?

Here's the Point...


When we are tired, as we discussed at length previously, we don't want to talk or work through any problems that may arise.  It's in these moments that we must talk the most!  We must actually talk things through twice.  First and foremost, take it to the Lord as the fugitive David did.  Perhaps you feel as if your spouse won't truly listen to you - and perhaps this indeed is true - God is willing and wanting to not only listen to you but also strengthen, comfort and teach you.

Only after spending time with Him, are we able to most effectively approach our loved one.  If they are willing, the situation is that much better.  If they are not a willing participant or of an obstinate demeanor, how much more must you rely upon the strength of the Lord!

No matter the situation, to advance forward most effectively, talk it through twice - with the Lord and your loved one.  Never with just option A or B.  Never out of this order.  Seek the Savior.  Lovingly open communication with your family member.

Now for You...


Prayer, indeed, ought to be a Christian's first instinct.  Our emotions, however at times, can cloud such a response, muddying the waters of communication.  I challenge you, just as I continually challenge myself, to seek the Lord at this very instant over ALL that burdens your heart.  Pour all of your complaints out to Him.  Then, as the Lord opens windows of opportunity, talk through it again with your spouse or whomever.

In your home life, seek to always talk it through twice.

taken from A Treasury for the Home